Elliot: Anti-Semitism, cauliflower phobia rear their heads

Everything will return to calm and dignified in the UK. Well, after Boris Johnson shoves Brexit through come hell, high water, or an asteroid collision.



Prime Minister Boris Johnson at West Midlands Police Learning and Development Centre, Birmingham, England, on Friday, July 26, 2019. (Toby Melville/PA Wire/Zuma Press/TNS)

Beau Elliot, Columnist

So, Doc: What’s up with Brexit now with a new British prime minister? Just to take our minds off the Mueller media circus.

Dear So: We’re not quite sure that a mostly low-key, precise person such as Robert Mueller (who seems to shun the spotlight, unlike so many others) and the term “media circus” belong in the same sentence. But it’s a free country (they tell us), so go full bore.

Ah, Brexit. It keeps coming around and coming around, almost like comic-book movies.

So now comes new British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who rolled to a smashing victory to put him in 10 Downing. Well, smashing in a sense. The pool of eligible voters amounted to around 139,000 (dues-paying Conservative Party members). There are roughly 46 million voters eligible to vote in parliamentary elections in the UK, we hear, so excuse us for being a bit tardy with the ticker tape for the big parade.

From what we can discern from the British press, Johnson is so gung-ho on Brexit that he will shove it through come hell, high water, or an asteroid collision. And then everything will return to calm and dignified in the UK. Well, besides a bit of a dust-up with that asteroid thingy.

Another thing we’ve discerned from the British press is that Johnson has a huge ego and believes he can solve any issue through his force of will (sound like anyone you’ve heard of?). British critics call Johnson Donald Trump with a thesaurus.

“Enlightenment is your ego’s biggest disappointment,” Jonathan Rowson has said, quoting an adage. Seems that neither Johnson nor Trump are in any danger of suffering that disappointment.

Say, Doc: What’s up with your phobia about cauliflower?

Dear Say: One should be careful about bandying the word “phobia” about, because you’ll never know if you’ve run into a faux-bia.

We don’t have a cauliflower phobia. We know; we double-checked on the phobia-meter app.

We think that cauliflower is a perfectly fine mineral.

Maybe not Geological Hall of Fame material, but a solid every-day player.

Cauliflower phobia. What’s next? Humans never landed on the moon? A land-grant college is buried in Grant’s Tomb? Donald Trump is as innocent as a newborn baby?

Dear Doc-ish: But what about that Trump rally with the crowd shouting “Send her back”?

Dear Ish-mail: Trump is as innocent as a newborn baby.

All that campaign rally needed was the crowd dressed in brown shirts as they screamed “Send her back.”

Trump later claimed he tried to quiet the crowd as it raged, but he just stood there, silent, for 13 seconds and let them roar. Perhaps Trump never feels so much as himself as when he hears the crowd roar.

There’s an old saying in our house that somebody found and shined up, for whatever reason or nonreason:

Once you cast the blood on the water, it’s hard to herd the sharks.

But Doc: Isn’t that Gang of 4 just a bunch of malcontents and communists, and to top it off, they’re anti-Semitic?

Dear But: Squad of 4. Gang of 4 is an old (by the way we track time in these heady days) Chinese thing.

Communists? Hard to find any these days. You could go on a snipe hunt, we suppose. Better start at the dustbin of history.

Malcontents? Sounds like another word for somebody’s prophet.

And anti-Semitic? One can be critical of some, of many, of Israel’s policies and not be anti-Jewish. Besides, two of the 4 have some Arabic heritage, and Arabs are a Semitic people, too.

In fact, Semitic people include (from American Heritage): Arabs, Arameans, Babylonians, Carthaginians, Hebrews, and Phoenicians, among others.

So, what? You’re anti-Phoenician, too?

Hey, you, Phoenician, go back where you came from. And take your damn alphabet with you. We like our chicken scratchings in mud.