Elliot: Dodo birds flight of fancy

Feeling patriotic? Read the newspaper, not the ticker tape.


DI columnist Beau Elliot

Beau Elliot, Columnist

Yo, Doc Grammar: What about that wapo, wapo Fourth, huh? We really showed them what’s what.

Dear What’s What: Wherever What’s What might be in the universe.

WaPo, actually, is insider journalist jargon for the Washington Post. As august an institution as it is, we’re pretty certain that the people there don’t wish to take credit for the creating the Fourth of July. We’ll leave that to Thomas Jefferson. And his slaves.

As far as being patriotic, we salute the New York Times and the Post for their work on the Pentagon Papers and the Post for continuing to pursue the Watergate story even when then-President Nixon was rolling along on his path to a sweeping victory.

Taking nothing away from our people in the military, it is also patriotic to stand virtually alone and say, The United States is wrong here.

There’s no such thing as a limited amount of patriotism; it spills from a forever well, seemingly. Whose location geosciencetists are most likely not searching for. Vastly more important subjects to research.

Dear Doc-ish: So you’re just another commie rat slandering President Trump and his beautiful celebration of the Fourth.

Dear Beautiful Celebration: We’ve never been communists. Long ago, we have had many discussions with self-described communists, although “discussion” wouldn’t be exactly the correct word. Communists tend to interrupt you, talk over you, and describe how much you exactly fail in understanding Marxism.

Like Stalin and Mao, we would ask, pretending to be innocent and naïve. You know, the part about state fading away in five years?

Whatever. Trump’s celebration fêted mostly himself (and his campaign), with the aid the of U.S. military. Abrams tanks, Bradley fighting vehicles, flyovers over, and lots of whatnot. Of course, a problem is that military personnel are prohibited from participating in campaign events in uniform.

Small problem for the Trumpster. When it comes to promoting himself, what regulations? What standards?

The cost for the extravaganza was initially $2.5 million taken (stolen?) from the National Park system.

But who could know how many millions would satisfy the Leader? Some $1,100 a night for bigwigs at his hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue for the celebration might go a wee bit of the way.

Oh. And our militaristic leader keeps getting the names of the tanks wrong, it appears. He continues to call them Sherman tanks. The Shermans were a World War II workhorse, later phased out in the 1950s and decommissioned in 1957.

Oh, well. What would you expect from a five-time draft dodger?

We guess that’s the most disgusting part. A guy who didn’t serve later wraps himself in militarism in his run for re-election.

Or, as then-President Eisenhower (the former commander of the Allied troops in the European Theater in World War II) replied when asked about the United States holding grand military parades like the Soviet Union and China (via historian Michael Beschloss):

“Absolutely not. We are the pre-eminent power on Earth. For us to try to imitate what the Soviets are doing in Red Square would make us look weak.”

Or, in more postmodern terms, look like a loser.

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