The hand-sanitizer business must be booming. Alcohol-based antibacterial gels, sprays, foams, and lotions have become a staple accessory at every desk on campus.

The UI has gone so far as to adopt a new absence policy in which students are discouraged from coming to class at the first sign of H1N1 flu symptoms. Some students, though, may or may not be unethically taking advantage of the situation, using the absence policy to cover for chronic HOVR flu (hangover).

Furthermore, it dictates that the infected should not go to Student Health or to the doctor. Basically, the policy states to keep your contaminated self home and as far away as possible from everything.

Judging by the sound of relentlessly coughing classmates, it seems as though the people who should be taking advantage of this policy haven’t quite caught on. My motto has always been that over-sterilization leads to illness by weakening the immune system (switching out the five-second rule for 45).

But I’ve found myself feeling increasingly uncomfortable around these people, to the point of disabling distraction. I’ll spend an entire lecture praying that the sickling behind me is merely suffering from the unfortunate effects of chain smoking.

So, to all you pre-flu victims: Stay home until you feel better — or at least have the decency to cover your mouth and sit in the back. And to all of the germa-phobes: enough with the eye glares and body shifting, because being sick doesn’t make you a bad person.

— by Bri LaPelusa