officialkathyg: Ch 12: Nip/Fucked: Trust me, if you’re watching TV or a movie and you see a pretty lady over the age of 17, she’s had some shit done.

michaelianblack: Just in case I decide to make the world’s cutest bullet: How fast would a marshmallow have to travel to penetrate the human torso?

johncmayer: The funny thing about breast implants is that everyone who’s ever gotten them had to say out loud “getting some fake boobs tomorrow.”

diablocody: I saw “Snow Leopard” as a trending topic and briefly thought there were some fellow Zoobooks subscribers on here. Crap.

mindykaling: I honestly think we would do a better job writing “The Office” if we were playing Beatles Rock Band.

robhuebel: Thank you, toilet. For being who you are.

rainnwilson: “U r as precious to me now as when we first made love. Which was 11 years ago. On your mom’s futon couch.”

PaulaAbdul: Just finished a great workout, and now I am getting a facial. First time in a while. Tweeting before i fall asleep. Love you all!

DrDaily: @pancheros Who loves Panchero’s more? ISU or UIowa?

SarahKSilverman: Watched a 7-year-old boy torture a pigeon today in MacArthur Park. It was the performance-art version of my week.

THE_REAL_SHAQ: LOVE YALL BABY LOVE YALL, YES IM SCREAMIN IT, AAAAAAAAAAAAGH