Big Ten Power Rankings

1) Michigan (9-1):
Can we skip everything and fast forward to Michigan vs. Ohio State?

2) Ohio State (9-1): 
See above.

3) Penn State (7-3):

A season in which Penn State is irrelevant is a good season in my book.

4) Wisconsin (6-4):
Remember when we all thought Wisconsin was good? Wow, that took a hard turn.

5) Michigan State (6-4):
Michigan State and Iowa State have the “little brother” complex in common.

6) Northwestern (6-4):
I guess sacrificing the nerds to the Big Ten East isn’t that bad of an idea after all.

7) Iowa (6-4):
Has anyone seen a running game? Brian Ferentz has lost his.

8) Purdue (5-5):
Minnesota took its boat and rowed it all over Purdue’s gross school colors.

9) Indiana (5-5):
I vaguely remember calling Indiana irrelevant once. I enjoy being right.

10) Nebraska (3-7):
Is Nebraska … good?

11) Maryland (5-5):
A clear guideline for any team with scandals in the future should be to just fire the head coach.

12) Illinois (4-6):
Lovie Smith is a pretty cool name for a pretty bad head coach.

13) Minnesota (5-5):
I would like to take this time to formally apologize for putting Minnesota at No. 4 of these rankings in Week 1. Can everyone let it go now?

14) Rutgers (1-9):
I honestly forgot Rutgers existed.

Big Ten Schedule

Ohio State vs. Maryland

11 a.m. | ABC

Maryland’s been having a rough go of it — are we really going to force them to play Ohio State? Why don’t we just give them pancakes and put D.J. Durkin’s face on a dart board?

Penn State vs. Rutgers

11 a.m. | BTN

This game is at home for Rutgers, and there will probably be the same number of people in red there as there would be on the road. At least the Scarlet Knights won’t have to go to Happy Valley.

Northwestern vs. Minnesota

11 a.m. | BTN

Fun fact: Stephen Colbert went to Northwestern, and that’s a big reason that I’m not mad it won the West. Watch the Wildcats lose out now.

Michigan State vs. Nebraska

11 a.m. | FOX

I could see Nebraska beating Michigan State just because it seems as though Scott Frost’s luck is getting better the frostier it gets outside. That was a bad pun.

Wisconsin vs. Purdue

2:30 p.m. | BTN

This game means absolutely nothing. Wisconsin is bad, Purdue’s winning streak came to a screeching halt, and Northwestern won the West. It’s all over.

Iowa vs. Illinois

2:30 p.m. | BTN

I’m not even mad that I can’t watch this game on Saturday because it’ll probably end up being a one-score game through the whole thing. At least Illinois is bad enough that Iowa could maybe actually pull off the win. Maybe.

Indiana vs. Michigan

3 p.m. | FS1

There’s a Wolverines website called “Maize ’n’ Brew,” and that’s the most Michigan thing I think I’ve ever seen. Besides khakis. And Jim Harbaugh being cocky.