By Grant Davis
While visiting home this past week, I became bored and decided to revisit the popular gay dating app Grindr. When using the app, I began to notice a very prominent trend in the bios of the some men using the app — the term “Masc4Masc.” The term is typically used by guys who appear as more “straight passing” and are looking for the same.
This was extremely fascinating to me, as it was almost a complete reversal from the guys I see in Iowa City. When searching through Grindr while at school, I hardly see the term being used, even with guys I would deem as “masculine.”
Because of this, I’ve been wondering what could be the cause for the phrase at all and what could be the cause of the drastic differences between the two cities.
First, the term “Masc4Masc” comes from the repressed homosexuality many men suffer from. Growing up gay, people often try to hide the things that make them stand out as gay. Whether it be the music they listen to, the way they talk, the way they dress, or even the way they walk, gay men often try to butch themselves up in order to avoid the bullying that has become popular in so many high schools. While some gays resort to hiding their truth until they’re more comfortable with themselves, some take it to another extra level and date girls and sometimes even get married to hide their homosexuality.
Many men like to believe that they just have a preference in men, but they’re just further projecting the self-hatred so many of us deal with growing up. They see feminine men as that person they’ve been trying to suppress. However these men are unintentionally giving into their feminine side. To look for masculinity in a sexual partner is traditionally a feminine quality, so while they may think they’re portraying this idea of masculinity, they’re really playing themself.
While it’s nice that we can tell where this tendency comes from, the difference between the two cities still shocks me. Can two cities that are only an hour and a half apart really have such a big difference between them? Several factors can play into this difference including political ideology and religion.
Iowa City is a fairly liberal city and was a good majority blue in the recent election. In contrast, my hometown went red but was only barely red.
Iowa City is also home to a variety of various religions, while my hometown is very strongly Christian.
These insights actually shed a lot of light on the increase in the use of “Masc4Masc.” Conservatives are often for anti-LGBT legislation, and many Christians shun homosexuality.
This explains why the difference between the two areas exists. These men develop the feeling they should hide their sexuality, thus perpetuating their self-loathing. Then, when these men are finally able to openly accept themselves, they still harbor that self-loathing for the feminine side of themselves.
Because of the ideology of places like my hometown, and so many other towns in America, gay people are often excluded from the families they’re born with. As RuPaul once said, “As gay people we get to choose our family. We get to choose the people we’re around.” However, this toxic mixture of repressed homosexuality and unbeknown self-hatred actually creates a sense of bullying in a community that has for so long been a welcoming and open community to its many members. We as a gay community need to be more accepting of each other, especially in the current political climate. No matter if we’re a “yes gawd mama” gay or a “Ford F150” kind of gay. We are a family.