Beau Elliot
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“Donald Trump wants to put women who have abortions in prison” was all the hubbub recently, so I sat up and took notice.

Hey, put that back, my girlfriend said. That’s my notice.

Oh, sorry, I said. I’m always mixing up notices. I used to blame it on my mother’s and father’s genes, but now I blame it on the Internet. Life is a lot easier if you blame things on Internet. Have you noticed?

And, of course, the Trumpster never said he wanted women who had abortions to be put in prison. At least not according to the March 30 MSNBC transcript of the pertinent discussion I have thanks to the Internet (damn Internet).

The discussion with Chris Matthews wandered a bit, from the sands of the Gobi to the meerkats of the Kalahari to Antarctica and the Van Allen radiation belts, which aren’t located there but no matter, and back to the Gobi of knowledge. Which, apparently, we should all visit sometime, even though texting is difficult.

But eventually, Trump got around to saying that if abortion is banned, women who have them should be punished. Somehow. Some way.

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Americans have argued about abortion for long enough now that it’s beginning to resemble the Thirty Years’ War.

We can only hope. Though only a few of us can remember how it ended and who won.

Some of us, actually, have begun to doze off because it’s hard to stay awake for 100 years. (Not me, and if I do, it’s the Internet’s fault).

But if you’re so against women’s choices about their lives and thus,their bodies, why stop at sending women who have abortions to prison? Why not send them to Pluto, where they would spend their days foraging for warmer temperatures (minus-369 Fahrenheit) and listening to Ted Cruz speeches?

Only a dummkopf would want less. And no, I’m not calling Trump a dummkopf, tempting though it is. He’s more like a Trumpkopf.

See, if I call Trump a dummkopf, I’d be accused of making an ad hominem attack. But if I call him a “Trumpkopf,” no such accusations, because I’m certainly not adding any hominem. Nor any grits.

Trump, by the by, was once pro-choice (as recently as 1999, which I realize doesn’t sound all that recent to anyone under the age of 30), but now, he’s evolved (his word), or devolved, depending on one’s perspective and if one has one.

(And if one has one, do two have two? All these evolutionary questions; who can keep them straight? Of course, if you believe God created everything 6,000 years ago, you don’t have to worry about evolutionary questions. You just swat them like flies if they show up in the neighborhood.)

Meanwhile, in a less contentious geography, Tesla has brought out a $35,000 electric car for the masses. Masses of what? you wonder. Me, too

Never buy a car that costs more money than you make in a year, my father once advised me, and unlike his other bits of advice, which were always sane and reasonable (my father was a professor; they’re like that), I’ve followed the car thing. Which is why I’ve spent my life in $500 cars.

So will Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Andromeda Strain, or Donald Trump wind up as Tesla this campaign?

The answer is neither. Nikola Tesla was a genius.