Iowan Senator Chuck Grassley’s Twitter account is the only true poetry in this world.

Late in September, you may have seen a bizarre series of tweets floating around the internet. “If u lost ur pet pidgin /it’s dead in front yard my Iowa farm.”

A little later on in the day, he clarifies: “No life whatsoever.”

Finally, a couple days later, the saga comes to an end: “The pidgins life that ended…this wknd hailed from the Sheboygan flying club in Wisconsin I stand corrected it wasn’t a “pet” it was a racing pidgin thx to my followers for the info.”

Grassley isn’t just our Senator, he’s the President Pro Tempore of the Senate. The person third in line for the presidency.

These tweets gave everyone a good laugh. His bizarre shortening of the word pigeon is what got me (he is nowhere near the character limit, and the word isn’t actually any shorter). But they represent only the tip of the iceberg.

There are 9,406 tweets on Chuck Grassley’s personal Twitter account, and all of them read like drunk-texts from 2 A.M., utilizing ancient spelling techniques such as “2nite” and “gr8” that seem like they could only be typed on an old Motorola flip phone.

Lucky for us, though, we know exactly what phone these tweets are coming from, because in February of 2012, Senator Grassley sent out this gem: “I now h v an iphone.”

Like any great source of entertainment, there are recurring themes on Chuck’s twitter feed. My personal favorite is his strange vendetta against the History Channel. From 2012 up to the present, he has taken the channel to task over its apparent lack of history:

“Just turned to history channel.  No history. I used to get history. Why do we h v such a channel  when it doesnt  do history”

“I’ve turned to history.  Channel. Several times this wkend always Pawn Shop.  No history. Change nAme of  channel to  no history”

There are tens of tweets saying some variation of this exact thing. It makes me wonder why he has kept tuning in for the last eight years. I suppose it’s for moments like this:

“History channel surprise! can u believe it? Sunday they had good history on Knights Templar. I really enjoyed it”

Senator Grassley also shines when it comes to spotting dead deer, or hitting them himself.

“I was doing morning run at farm. Deer killed by car in ditch. He was dead. I didn’t have to”assume” anything about his condition”

I love how he subtly brags about how apt he is at diagnosing dead deer. This is odd to me because that tweet is from December of 2012, but he had this to say in October of that same year:

“Fred and I hit a deer on hiway 136 south of Dyersville. After I pulled fender rubbing on tire we continued to farm. Assume deer dead”

Is he mocking his past inability to spot dead animals? Is it just a playful callback? Either way, it’s poetic and brilliant.

There are so many incredible tweets that cannot be in this piece, by virtue of the word count. So I implore you, the person reading this, to go to twitter.com/chuckgrassley, or @chuckgrassley if you have the app. See for yourself. Additionally, there are many other articles that break down his tweets as well.

I’ll leave you with what is perhaps the most cryptic tweet of his prolific career on Twitter:

“Windsor Heights Dairy Queen is good place for u kno what”

Columns reflect the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily those of the Editorial Board, The Daily Iowan, or other organizations in which the author may be involved.