Opinion: 20 Out of 20: Presidential candidates as Thanksgiving dishes
Which Democratic hopefuls are voters craving more from, and which ones are left getting cold?
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November 21, 2019
Thanksgiving is here, and so is the perpetual race for the White House. While some candidates are worth going back for seconds, others are getting passed over.
Former Vice President Joe Biden: Turkey
He’s the first thing people think of when you mention the meal. He might be a bit tough, overcooked, or poorly seasoned, but he’s obviously the main dish. Unless something else becomes a real standout, he’ll win by default.
California Senator Kamala Harris — Pumpkin Pie
Everyone thought this was going to turn out great. This was supposed to be the real challenger to Biden. But then we all remembered that pumpkin pie isn’t actually that good.
Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders: Mashed Potatoes
He’s simple, straightforward, and steady. He’s good at being a strong second. You, Grandma, and I all know what he’s about. He’s a part of everyone’s plate, but not nearly enough go all in.
Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren: Stuffing
Similar to Sanders, she’s another staple of the meal, but a bit more complicated. She dresses up in a way that sounds smart. Many people like both, but it’s going to get ugly when they have to pick sides.
South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg: Cranberry Sauce
He’s really popular with a particular sort of white person. Those who like him really like him. But, if he’s going to be the star of the meal, several other dishes need to turn out pretty gross.
Businessman Tom Steyer: Canned Cranberry Sauce
Who the heck thought he needed to be on the table? He’s like Buttigieg but artificial, as if propped up by someone with way too much money to blow on an unnecessary venture.
Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar: Corn
She’s from the Midwest, so that means she’ll do well in Iowa, right? Not so fast. No one really hates her, but she’s not that special on her own. Some butter and salt would probably help.
Hawaii Representative Tulsi Gabbard: Casserole
There’s a lot of separate things to dig through with her, but she’s not all that interesting. It’s probably best to put her on the edge of the table and just let her complain about “the war” or whatever, just like that one uncle.
New Jersey Senator Cory Booker: Vegan Turducken
Look, he’s trying very hard to be impressive. No one can’t fault him for trying, and his convictions — both political and dietary — are clear. But he’s just not that popular with the rest of us.
Businessman Andrew Yang: Candy Canes
He’s weird, he’s fresh, and he’s looking to the future. The only problem is he isn’t focused on right now. Your weird cousin who already put up lights and a wreath really likes him, though.
Columns reflect the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily those of the Editorial Board, The Daily Iowan, or other organizations in which the author may be involved.
