Mario Kart for Nintendo 64 will always hold a special place in my heart — and my basement. Like the original Super Mario Brothers before it that I used to play on my dad’s NES, there is something sacred about that first edition. I was shocked and disappointed to find out that my younger colleague has never experienced the glitches and glory of that N64 version. There was something deeply satisfying about winning on an oversized three-pronged controller.

I’ve been to NASCAR races at the Chicagoland, Daytona International, and Las Vegas Motor Speedways. Although I’ve never won a Sprint Cup Series myself, I imagine the thrill is similar to the euphoria I experienced vicariously watching Yoshi cross the Kalimari Desert finish line before my cousins. There were only a few other times in my grandma’s basement that I came close to beating them, and they would usually shut off the console before allowing that to happen.

The new mobile version Mario Kart is probably mildly fun and a lucrative marketing ploy, but it’s a bit like hunting deer over bait surrounded by a high fence. It doesn’t require much talent or effort. The absence of a controller robs the gamer of the exhilarating challenges they would otherwise experience.

You haven’t truly lived until you’ve watched your character ride up to the castle, so that a giant red and yellow fish can float down from the sky to spit out your trophy. Y’all can have keep those fancy newer versions. I’ll put on some Vanilla Ice and stick with the original.