Beau Elliot
My weather site (one of them, anyway), in all of its sonority, tells me the current conditions are heavy thunderstorm with mist.
Um, hmm.
Sounds as if Donald Trump has hacked into the site. I mean, heavy thunderstorm with mist — doesn’t that sound as if a fat, clumsy guy suddenly turned into a sprightly, slender guy turning just-so pirouettes on the political dance floor in a samba?
No, he’s not wearing a samba; it’s a type of Brazilian music. Just ask Ryan Lochte. Though if you play or dance a samba, you’re probably wearing it.
Just ask Lochte.
It’s hard to tell right now who has had the worse time recently, Trump, the American swimmer against the tide, or Lochte, the American swimmer against the tide.
Hint, Ryan: That’s why it’s called Rio. It’s a Brazilian sort of joke. And all this time, you thought the whole world was merely about sambas and gold medals. You should have known: Gold Medal is a brand of flour, and you can make a lot of dough with it, but you can’t spend it anywhere.
And, as General Mills discovered recently (May, I think, but who can remember May?), sometimes flour has to be recalled. E. coli or something.
That’s life. You’re going along just fine, and then you discover that life is full of E. coli or something.
Just ask the Trumpster.
There he was, swimming along just swimmingly, the whole universe at his feet, where it belonged, and the river ran brightly and sunny straight to the West Wing. And then?
E. coli. Turns out, there’s always an “And then.”
Turns out, Trump probably shouldn’t have tried to make Khizr Khan out to be some kind of con man. Probably shouldn’t have made fun of his wife, either.
Look: Pretend you’re running for president. It’s a big deal, a much bigger deal than running a few casinos into the ground and beyond. And you’re running against a woman. Rule No. 1: Don’t make fun of women. Women don’t like it when men make fun of them, and somehow, women have the right to vote.
It seems simple, as simple as counting to 10, but then, a lot of people can’t do that, either.
And, it turns out, Trump probably shouldn’t have said Russian President Vladimir Putin had no designs on taking Ukraine. He especially shouldn’t have said it when Putin had already grabbed Crimea.
Oh, Crimea river, Trump says. (There’s that river thing again.)
And maybe it wasn’t such a grand idea for the Trumpster to say he would deport the 11 million illegal immigrants in this country. (How did he count them?, you wonder. Me, too. And where can I get that kind of calculator?)
Hey, the Trump suit said, Eisenhower did it.
Well, OK, Eisenhower tried to deport 1.5 million people who were called “wetbacks,” back in the days when women stayed in the kitchen and had babies and never, never thought about running for president.
By the way, why were they having babies in the kitchen? Hadn’t hospitals been invented yet?
All this life, all this E. coli.
Who knew this was the Rio world?