Beau Elliot
Best sign seen at this year’s Boston Marathon: “Run Like Ted Cruz is Behind You.”
I can’t imagine better advice during these times, if that’s what they are. It’s possible, because anything seemingly is, that these times are actually somebody else’s times, which would explain why history seems to be out of joint. (Except, of course, in Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.)
This, of course, explains why Donald Trump is waddling out of joint toward the GOP presidential nomination, with Sen. Ted Cruz and Gov. John Kasich in rather chilly pursuit and, according to the Trumpster, colluding against him. Oh, dear me, that filthy word “collusion.” It never, ever occurs in a business deal, as Trump well knows. Not even when you get four bailouts via four corporate bankruptcies.
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Speaking of waddling, Trump had some expansive views on the U.S. putting Harriet Tubman’s visage on the front of the $20 bill to replace Andrew Jackson, as you would expect. In short, Trump believes the Treasury made the move out of “pure political correctness.”
Why is it that when conservatives don’t like a move, that move was done out of “pure political correctness”? Why can’t it have been done out of pure liberal vindictiveness against fat white conservatives who spend their odd moments chomping down burgers? And by “odd moments,” we, of course, mean all their moments.
To whit, a friend passed along a couple of Twitter reactions to the Tubman $20:
“Putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill, are you FREAKING kidding me? SHES [sic] NOT A PRESIDENT WTF”
“I’m not a racist but Harriet Tubman is not a president and I believe presidents should be the only ones on dollar bills.”
We’ll just ignore that “dollar bill” generally means the $1 bill (featuring the visage of a slaveowner) and Tubman will be on the $20. And we could ignore that Alexander Hamilton (never a president) is on the $10 (his tenure secured by the popularity of a Broadway play, which tells us something about the intersection of fantasy and “real” life) and that Benjamin Franklin (never a president) is on the $100. Nothing like getting caught up in hypocrisy, Twitter-land.
So let’s see: Jackson, a white slave owner who infamously ignored a Supreme Court decision *Worcester v. Georgia* (“John Marshall made the decision; let him enforce it”) and forced Native Americans off their lands so white settlers could buy it from land speculators who made a ton of moolah. Or Tubman, a person who helped at least 300 people escape from slavery via the Underground Railroad. Gee; who could decide, “I’m not a racist but”?
Every time I see a $20 bill, I remember the Trail of Tears.
Just by the way, I wonder how many times my African American friends have heard the phrase “I’m not a racist but.” Several dozen times? Several hundred? Several thousand?
I’m voting for several hundreds of thousands of times.
So, yeah, Run Like Ted Cruz is Behind You and hope you can out-waddle Donald Trump. Always remembering, of course, it’s like trying to out-waddle an anaconda.
But eternity springs hopeful.
We hope.