Beau Elliot
Last week, the Washington Post made an interesting observation: “The Texas primary next Tuesday now becomes either Cruz’s Alamo or his Waterloo, depending on what happens.”
Um, hmm. Well, yes, the “Texas primary next Tuesday” is now today, but don’t worry about it; it’s just a time-machine thing. And you know how they are.
What’s interesting is that both the Alamo and Waterloo were losses.
(Well, depending on your perspective, which, we admit, is hard to maintain these days. Especially with Donald Trump, who is out of perspective. Not out of bluster, though.)
To meet one’s Waterloo does not mean to drive east from Cedar Falls, it means to suffer a calamitous defeat. And the Alamo, well, we all remember the Alamo because we were told to in elementary school. Yes, the defeat at the Alamo eventually led to America beating Mexico and seizing Texas, more or less (which these days seems to be a rather Pyrrhic victory), but it was still a defeat.
So we’re not exactly sure what the Post means for Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Rings of Saturn.
Does it mean the Post sees Cruz in a lose-lose situation? (I’m crying already. Well, crocodile tears; they were all I could find on such short notice.) Does it mean we could give Cruz back to Mexico? Well, we can’t, because he’s not from there (and I hear Canada is building a wall so that we can’t give him back there). Does it mean that we should give Texas back to Mexico? (Sweet dreams of made of you.)
OK, we’re not going to give Texas back to Mexico (well, unless we can keep the Austin music scene). But could we give the Trumpster, R-New Giant Planet, back to the mystery planet?
Probably not. Word on the street (we’re not naming the street but we’re looking at you, East Market, in the 300-400 blocks) has it that the mystery planet doesn’t want him back because of rumors that he used off-planet labor to build his hotel resorts.
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Of course, when we think of Trump, we immediately visualize the collision of two black holes, which sent gravitational ripples through the space-time continuum, which, you have to admit, are some kind of ripples.
Which brings up the question, what happened to the two event horizons, which black holes have (just because)? Did they tear apart for a moment or longer, allowing the gravitational ripples to exist? (Gravitons?) Or did something else occur when they collided (dark energy?) Because, as I understand it, perhaps not so well, nothing escapes the event horizon, not particles, not light, not you nor I, not even Trump, as escapable as he seems.
And, in other contexts, inescapable.
Or maybe Trump is the result of a collision of two black holes. (Hmm. That face. That hair. Maybe he’s graviton man.)
Well, that explains a lot of things, such as why Trump seems intent on expanding libel laws to prohibit negative commentary. Yeah, sure. Who needs the First Amendment, or New York Times v. Sullivan, when we have the Second Amendment?
Does this make his name Donald Putin Trump?
You know, things seemed a lot simpler in the Alamo/Waterloo days.