So President Obama would like to see mandatory voting in the United States, and 2016 presidential candidate Sen. Ten Cruz, R-Texas, would like to see mandatory Christianity, starting in the United States but moving all over the world.

Yeah.

And the Hawkeyes wiped the floor in Seattle with Gonzaga because the Zags zigged when they should have Zagged, and the Hawks jigged to the Sweet 16.

If you believed any of the above, how are you going to make it through April Fools’ Day? (And, by the way, I’ve got some cheap tickets available for the Iowa-UCLA game.)

So, no, Virginia, Obama does not want to make voting mandatory in the United States. Or anywhere else, for that matter. 

In a long statement (the transcript is readily available on the Internet) answering a question about campaign financing, Obama noted that “Australia, and some other countries” have mandatory voting. At least in a sense. In Australia, the fine for not voting is $20 Australian, I’m told. That works out to around $15 and change in U.S. currency. Basically, a parking ticket.

What Obama actually said was there were too many hurdles to jump to overturn the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision, so the way to fight the crazy campaign-financing situation we have is to get more people to vote. But he never mentioned making voting mandatory in this country.

Cruz would like to make Christianity mandatory in the United States?

Oh, come on. While the Texas senator believes in some crazy stuff, and I’m sure he would probably like to see the pulpit put back in the bully pulpit, I don’t think he’s ever said Christianity should be mandatory.

For one thing, there would be a First Amendment problem there.

Now, there are some weird things about Cruz. For one thing,Cruz apparently forgot something about the Interet — he didn’t register Tedcruz.com. According to Daily Kos, somebody else did.

Maybe Cruz thought you had to be a scientist to procure a dot com. And as we all know, Cruz is famously not a scientist.

And then there’s the golf-course thing.

As ThinkProgress points out, in 2012, on Cruz’s Senate campaign website, Cruz apparently believed the famously liberal billionaire George Soras backed a U.N. resolution that would ban, among other things, golf courses.

Um, huh? The resolution in question is apparently a 20-year-old one signed by 178 nations, including the United States (the president then was famous liberal George H.W. Bush). It takes aim at unsustainable environments. 

The resolution is nonbinding. And no golf courses have been harmed. So, golfing Hawkeyes, Finkbine is still around, as anyone who drives down Melrose Avenue can see.

Another thing Cruz apparently believes — it’s one of his favorite lines when he makes a stump speech, and when he stumps somewhere, it stays stumped — is that the IRS has 110,000 agents, which drives conservatives nuts.

Only the agency doesn’t. It has, according to FactCheck, around 82,000 total employees, and that figure includes secretaries, clerks, IT personnel, and the guy who changes the clocks at Daylight Saving Time. (No, Virginia, DST is not a IRS plot.)

According to the IRS Data Book, 15 percent of those 82,000 have the title revenue agent.

So.

Obviously, who needs April Fools’ Day when we have Cruz Control.