I’m a little disappointed in rappers.
Sports talk is so dominant in verses — Wale scribes, “I remain a Giant, and your Jeremy Shockey” in “Chillin’” — but honestly, my hip-hop ambassadors have failed me.
I know the state of Iowa is not the epicenter of chromed-out grilles or ice-cream paint jobs (otherwise, it would truly deserve to be called “Heaven”). But c’mon, the Iowa football team is 9-0.
The Hawkeyes have won every game so far in nine WTF-just-happened ways, and they still don’t get a mention. “SportsCenter” replayed Tyler Sash’s incredible interception against Indiana over and over. The football bounced off, like, five guys and awesomely plopped into Sash’s hands before he ran it back for an 86-yard touchdown. (You can easily rhyme Sash with cash and call it a day, can’t you?).
Basically, this rant is directed at Mr. Sports MC himself, the self-described “Best Rapper Alive” — Lil Wayne. (I hope you check your Google Alerts, Weezy.)
The Grammy-award winning rapper knows his sports. Legitimately, he was recruited by ESPN to offer his opinion (rhyming optional) for the Worldwide Leader while maintaining his day job of appearing on every song produced in 2009 — no joke.
Wayne has freestyled about hockey — “Put a [expletive] on ice like the Maple Leafs / That’s a hockey team, but I ain’t on no hockey team / But I’m a champion. Where’s the [expletive] Rocky Theme?” — a topic artists normally shy away from.
So if anyone was going to give a shout out to Iowa, it should be Weezy.
Thus, when Wayne recently dropped his “No Ceilings” mixtape, I was ready. I confidently believed Iowa’s football roster gave MCs ample room for creativity.
As a linebacker, Pat Angerer’s name is a God-send. One can do much with a name like that.
There’s also Stanzi the Manzi. And DJK can go “alllll the waaaaaay.”
Plus, Adrian Clayborn’s football performance this year alone provides enough content for a whole album (probably a few remixes, too).
But Wayne, what was that line you just dropped? Did I hear right?
Uh huh. Yep.
You just compared yourself with Tennessee head coach Lane Kiffin? I can’t even post the reference because of its not-suitable-for-children content.
Nonetheless, I am not impressed.
The Vols are 4-4 and could have wrapped up a win in Tuscaloosa, Ala., against the Crimson Tide.
But they didn’t.
On a side note, football commentators, the two-field goal-blocking technique was perfected by Iowa before Terrance Cody even leaped in the air (I’m telling you, Adrian Clayborn provides a lot of material).
If you want to hear a good comeback story, rewatch the Indiana at Iowa game. The Hawkeyes scored 28 points in the final quarter.
Yeah. Ricky Stanzi threw five interceptions in three quarters, but his redemption was captured in the fourth. He connected with receivers Marvin McNutt, Derrell Johnson-Koulianos, and tight end Tony Moeaki for 177 yards on his three completions. That’s resiliency, baby.
If Wayne is the football connoisseur he claims, Weezy should make mention of the Hawkeyes’ historic year thus far.
Lil Wayne, you can call this my official letter of grievance — Part I.