It’s been a hard week, hasn’t it? You wrote a seven-page research paper on Monday, gave a group presentation on Tuesday, and took two midterms on Wednesday — all after losing an hour of sleep to daylight-saving time on Sunday (not that you had time to sleep, anyway).

You need a break.

Luckily, salvation is upon us, and you and your six closest buddies will soon whisk away to the tropical paradise of Cancún/Fort Lauderdale/Miami Beach for some much needed rest and relaxation.

And by “rest and relaxation,” we mean seven days of a never-ending party, full of all the beer, hip-hop, and whipped cream you can (or can’t) handle.

But all fun aside, it is important not to neglect the educational value of this special week in March. You see, spring break affords the informed onlooker the rare opportunity to observe a normally repressed animal thrive in its natural habit: the Girl with Low Self-Esteem.

Though it is sometimes a challenge to identify this creature through only appearance during ordinary time, spring break awakens even the most dormant Girl from hibernation and encourages a lack of self-esteem to be proudly displayed on each of her sleeves (or lack thereof).

The Girl with Low Self-Esteem is a curious mammal, feeling emotionally isolated despite the fact that she constantly “has sooooo much fun going out with the girls!!!” Spring break heightens this pack mentality, and each Girl finds herself in a constant struggle to establish Alpha Female status through an elaborate performance of seductive dancing and periodic flashing in an effort to attract as many potential mates as possible.

However, it is important to note this quest for attention is more crucial than actual attraction, as male notice temporarily seems to lessen feelings of inadequacy and thus allows the Girl to claw her way to the top of the Skank Heap (read: passed out on a park bench, hotel lobby floor, or middle of the sidewalk).

Critics have shunned the behavior of the Girl with Low Self-Esteem, often citing such concepts as feminism, personal pride, and common sense as rationale for the Girl with Low Self-Esteem to think twice about her potentially compromising behavior.

But as long as MTV continues to host “hottest couple” competitions, teen sex movies set a binge-drinking standard toxic enough to destroy all the livers in Cancún, and “Girls Gone Wild” camera crews are on location to distribute free hats and T-shirts in exchange for an (im)modest fee, Girls with Low Self-Esteem will be free to roam every year in mid-March.

Long live spring break.

— by Melea Andrys