“Love yourself.” It’s the phrase of the century — it’s on posters, signs, speeches, and every 10th video on Instagram reels. They’d probably put it on fast food bags if eating fast food wasn’t more or less an act of warfare against your body and bowels. It’s a well-meaning phrase, but useless without a way to do it.
But how in God’s name do you actually do it? You can listen to every sermon given from influencers on their virtual pulpits, follow their acts of penance — dieting and exercise — and still be completely miserable. I’ve found the best method of self-love to be writing love letters.
They don’t need to be sappy either, or even include any mention of love, it’s not the 15th century anymore after all, and the word love is a whole can of unmanageable worms. But here’s the real key: your love letters don’t actually have to be to anyone. Write the darn thing for yourself.
If you struggle to write about what you appreciate about yourself, as I’d imagine most people do, write about someone you care about. Think about what they mean to you, the traits you appreciate in them, and why they make you smile.
If you can’t think of anyone you can appreciate at the current moment, write about something; it could be an animal, the muffin you ate for breakfast, or that funny squirrel you saw on the way to work.
Start with those prompts and see where your mind wanders. Keep going until you’ve got at least half a page, or a full page if your handwriting is Hancockian like my own.
After you’re done writing, you could give it to the person you’re writing about — you might be surprised at how many people would appreciate it. I asked several University of Iowa students how it would make them feel, and they reported that they already regularly do it for their friends.
“’Cause sometimes you just want to be the person that you needed, someone to tell you you’re doing great,” Addison Pirkl, a first-year UI student, said.
“I write to them and say I appreciate your friendship and leave it in their locker or at their house.” Val Solorio, a second-year UI student, said.
But if you really don’t feel like giving it to the person, you can always rip the thing to tiny little shreds, and at the very least find that you’ve explored the appreciation you have for said person.
I mentioned it might be difficult to write about yourself, but it’s still an exercise I recommend. It’s not as pretentious as it sounds, and it might help you appreciate the face you have to look at every morning in the mirror.
Sometimes I like to start it as a hate letter, what do I really hate about myself, then I devote the second part to comforting the first, arguing with myself on why those traits exist, speaking to myself like I would a friend who confided in me. Love yourself like you would your most valued friend.
“Love yourself” may be a cliché phrase, but now you have a way to practice it.