Taped up across Iowa City, blue fliers printed with a large skull ominously greeted those who walked by, stirring curiosity as to what it could be advertising. But those familiar with the design knew what it meant: no ring, no rules, and a part two to the Underground Pro-wrestling event hosted by Souris Valley Wrestling.
On the second floor of Gabe’s on March 14, a makeshift stage made of bar chairs, metal chairs, trash cans, and caution tape sat in front of Gabe’s performance stage, a ladder looming above, inviting chaos.
It was a different scene from the first No Ring, No Rules match that took place in October of last year at The Dandy Lion. This time, the wrestlers had an entire floor of Gabe’s dedicated to the event: the possibilities were endless.
“People have been saying, ‘Oh man, how are you going to top The Dandy Lion show? That was an awesome match,’” Carlos Oliva, one of the event’s organizers and a pro-wrestler performing at the event, said. “This one is going to be insane, that’s for sure. The stuff we have planned out throws The Dandy Lion show out the window.”
Oliva sat in one of the booths at The Dandy Lion, the restaurant empty except for the sound of music in the back where a dishwasher worked. Who could imagine that months prior, Oliva had been lying on the floor of this restaurant surrounded by the wreckage of chairs and splintered wood?
Oliva, a part-time server at The Dandy Lion who trained at Black and Brave Wrestling Academy alongside many of the wrestlers performing, wrestled at the first No Ring, No Rules match against Dante Leon, the current Souris Valley World Champion and the event’s other organizer.
At The Dandy Lion, Oliva lost to Leon in the final match of the evening, plummeting off of a ladder and being pinned by Leon.
And while there unfortunately wouldn’t be a rematch between Oliva and Leon, Oliva promised a night of excitement which was advertised on the Iowa Underground’s Instagram: the Underground’s first tag team match, a match for the Souris Valley World Champion belt, the debut of new wrestlers, and an appearance by Marek Brave, who trained many of the wrestlers.
“I just wanted to try a tad bit bigger, a whole different area,” Oliva said. “People saw it before. Now, we’re going to do it again and have a bigger area.”
Hours before the match began, the wrestlers prepared for their matches, costumes and props scattered across the second floor of Gabe’s. The wrestlers met with their partners to choreograph their matches, practicing moves and playing with potential outcomes that would create the most shock and excitement.
Nothing was set in stone, though, as the doors opened and people flooded the venue, leaving props scattered across the second floor with the potential to be weapons of mass destruction: chairs, pipes, wooden sticks, trash cans, a ladder, planks of wood, light fixtures, and a dildo.
Everything was up for grabs, and the bigger venue meant even more chances to wreak havoc.
But these weapons didn’t scare Brussels Hamilton, “The Gentleman Barbarian,” away from his opponent, John Bonhart, who each faced one another in the first match of the night.
“He thinks he’s going to get up on me with a couple weapons, but I’ll tell you what,” Hamilton said, referring to Bonhart. “He can hit me with every single thing, but this match ends one way, and one way only: I’m going to pick him up, and I’m going to slam him through a table and end his life.”
Bonhart had a bored look on his face. When told about Hamilton’s comment, he only had one thing to say: “Good luck getting your hands on me.”
The two parted the crowd with their separate entrances as the first match of the night began with them delivering sharp slaps across the chest to one another, the sound of each clap echoing across the venue alongside the “ohs” of the crowd. Back and forth, the two attacked one another, eventually destroying the makeshift ring and breaking through the crowd of people.
Lost in the crowd, the carnage continued until they eventually made their way back to the ring. Bonhart, furious at a failed pin, dragged a plank of wood and set it across two metal chairs, obviously intending to end the match. But Hamilton had other plans.
Hamilton lifted Bonhart into the air, the crowd buzzing in anticipation as Hamilton tossed Bonhart through the plank of wood and earned his pin, securing his win and fulfilling his promise of metaphorically ending Bonhart’s life.
The crowd booed Bonhart off stage as they settled in for intermission, bopping their heads to the music and spilling into the wreckage of the now-destroyed makeshift ring.
Outside, a severe thunderstorm was brewing. A cool breeze blew inside as rain drenched the outside of Gabe’s, and people crowded inside to remain dry. Severe weather warnings interrupted the music playing and warned people to remain inside.
But weather like this was nothing for the Master Toad, who wrestled in worse conditions and was confident he would defeat Leon in his match for the Souris Valley World Champion title.
“I’ve slid down volcanoes, slid down glaciers in arctic circles, set stuff on fire, jumped off bridges, slept and fought in the jungle and tropical rainforests of Africa,” Toad said. “I’m confident in myself.”
Toad confidently strode through the crowd, making his first American debut, and did not seem impressed as Leon strutted to the stage with his championship belt thrust in the air, nor did he flinch as Leon shoved the belt in his face.
But all the confidence in the world couldn’t save Toad from a chair to the stomach or a trash can being smashed over his head.
All seemed lost for Toad as Leon prepped a plank of wood across two chairs, sealing Toad’s fate. But Toad had a secret weapon — nunchucks — which he used to return some of the pain inflicted on him to Leon before reversing the roles and slamming Leon through his own trap.
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As the two continued with their beatings, Leon seemed like he had enough and walked off to hide in the crowd, slipping through the door behind the main stage, hoping the rain and threat of a severe storm would be enough to protect him from Toad. But like Toad had said, he’s wrestled in less favorable conditions, and even with the rain, a champion must be named.
The crowd rushed to follow the two out the bar, squeezing through the single door as everyone watched the two wrestlers climb on top of a wall and slap one another, back and forth, precariously balancing atop the wall.
While it seemed like Toad was going to be the new champion, the match ended as Leon seemed to whisper something to Toad before lightly pushing him off the wall and into a pile of wood on the floor, where Toad lay in defeat as the rain mourned his loss.
But the crowd didn’t have much time to mourn alongside Toad as the tag team match began, featuring Calvin “The Rizz God” Kelly and Cash Kennedy versus Drake Holloway and Tori Fox.
Kelly and Kennedy cut through the crowd, teasing the crowd with a slight strip show as they took parts of their costume off in preparation for the match, enjoying the flashiness of their performances.
“I’m usually either a very grounder pound, or I’m flashy. Very opposite sides of the spectrum, but I like to ball the f*ck out and have a good time,” Kelly said.
As the two prepared for their match, Holloway seemed to make a quick jab at Kelly as he responded to Kelly’s wrestling technique.
“I like to pick my opponents apart, limb by limb,” Holloway said. “I don’t need to do the flashy stuff. That’s for guys who can’t get the crowd popping without doing a backflip.”
And sure enough, Holloway and Fox were all business as they strode to the stage, only to have their introduction cut short as Kelly and Kennedy jumped off the stage onto the other pair, a flashy start to the third match of the night.
There was no mercy shown as pipes and pans were brought down onto Holloway and Fox, nor as Kelly and Kennedy picked the pair apart, causing the teams to split up and fight at opposite ends of the floor. As the fight continued, the team members made their way back to one another, setting up four chairs that they all sat in. They went around in a circle, slapping each other across the chest.
As the slap circle made its way back to Fox, she shined during her debut match as she stood up from the circle and attacked her opponents, breaking the circle and refusing to take anymore.
The match couldn’t be contained once again and spilled into the bar area before returning to the stage area for the finale where Kennedy brought a chair down on Fox, pinning her. The crowd booed as Kelly and Kennedy danced over the bodies of Fox and Holloway. Even the referee was disgusted by the method of winning.
And the referee would continue to be disgusted in the final match of the evening — a ballroom blitz match, where Carlos Oliva, Shane “The Shug” Hollister, and Marek Brave were to face one another, pitting student against teacher in a brutal match.
But Brave had other plans, claiming he didn’t come to fight, and directing the crowd to sing with him to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.” The three sang in harmony on stage as the crowd sang along — it seemed like there would be no match after all.
But the harmony was broken as Brave cut the song off at “living on a prayer” and attacked both Hollister and Oliva. Bodies were slammed into walls, Oliva dominating the match momentarily as he spanked Hollister.
The crowd cringed with each spank, but Brave seemed interested in being involved, too, taking Hollister’s place and shaking his butt to invite Oliva to continue. But Oliva would not give Brave the pleasure.
Chairs and trash cans were brought down on the three by one another as the match unfolded, bodies tossed and thrown across the floor. Finally given a moment to breathe, Oliva brought out the ladder that had been looming over the crowd the entire night. Like Chekov’s gun, as Oliva prepped the ladder over a makeshift table, the crowd knew there was only one way this match would end.
But Brave had other plans as he gained power in the match and brought out two light fixtures, preparing to use them on Oliva. The teacher taunted his student with the fixture as Oliva flinched in preparation for the pain, only for Hollister to smash through the fixture, sending glass flying.
Oliva and Hollister lay in the glass as Brave stood over the two, gloriously basking in his success. But it wasn’t enough to just bask, instead, Brave took a dildo that was brought to him by Kelly and shoved it in Olivia’s mouth, the crowd shocked by such a violation.
But Oliva wouldn’t be the only one attacked by the dildo. Instead, he used it to his own advantage, beating his teacher and leaving Brave’s body broken over the glass with the dildo left in his mouth. Then, Oliva turned to Hollister, tossing him onto the makeshift table and breaking a piñata over Hollister’s lifeless body.
As Hollister lay there with candy scattered across him, Oliva climbed the ladder and Chekov’s gun blew. Oliva jumped, soaring through the air and pinning Hollister, winning the main event of the evening.