Power Rankings
- Michigan – The Wolverines will play against actual competition soon, right?
- Ohio State – Marvin Harrison Jr. is him, but he also has a surprisingly long neck.
- Penn State – Please stop playing nonconference games in October; it’s embarrassing for both sides.
- Iowa – Every sicko college football fan’s dream team is now in control of its own destiny.
- Rutgers – No one will talk about the Scarlet Knights’ 20-point comeback in the fourth quarter, but I will.
- Wisconsin – Luke Fickell and Co. are in quite the pickle after losing to the worst offense in the Power Five.
- Maryland – The deceiving Terrapins really thought the Kevin James meme would work against Illinois?
- Minnesota – It helps that the Golden Gophers didn’t play last weekend, but they’ll find their way to the basement soon enough.
- Nebraska – It’s becoming really hard to sort through all this mediocrity while ranking these teams.
- Illinois – Way to represent my home state and get that W. Governor J.B. Pritzker can go pop the champagne.
- Purdue – Get that student a helmet, shoulder pads, and even an NIL deal. Forty yards is no joke.
- Northwestern – Apparently there’s a new stadium coming to Evanston. Good riddance, Ryan Field.
- Michigan State – Who knows how to do the Heimlich maneuver on a Spartan?
- Indiana – Little known fact: the Hoosiers led by a touchdown after 15 minutes against the Wolverines last week.
Matchups
Ohio Stadium: No. 7 Penn State (6-0, 3-0) @ No. 3 Ohio State (6-0, 3-0)
Where/when to watch: Saturday at 11 a.m. on FOX | Line: Ohio State -4.5 | O/U: 46.5
Finally, a watchable game in the Big Ten. The Nittany Lions have been haunted by the Buckeyes in the past, so Saturday will be a tall order for them. Either way, a toxic fanbase will revel in victory and annoy everyone.
Memorial Stadium: Rutgers (5-2, 2-2) @ Indiana (2-4, 0-3)
Where/when to watch: Saturday at 11 a.m. on BTN | Line: Rutgers -5 | O/U: 42.5
Please put some respect on Rutgers’ name. Honestly, I’m sort of afraid when it matches up against Iowa in a few weeks. Meanwhile, Indiana is a dumpster fire. My Hoosier friend Eric should throw a chair on the field to send a message.
Kinnick Stadium: Minnesota (3-3, 1-2) @ No. 24 Iowa (6-1, 3-1)
Where/when to watch: Saturday at 2:30 p.m. on NBC | Line: Iowa -3.5 | O/U: 32.5
There should be a Manning Cast for this game, as it would be hilarious to watch the pair keel over at the copious amount of offensive ineptitude in this game. You know what? They can be the QBs for this one. We’ll take Peyton.
Memorial Stadium: Wisconsin (4-2, 2-1) @ Illinois (3-4, 1-3)
Where/when to watch: Saturday at 2:30 p.m. on FS1 | Line: Wisconsin -2.5 | O/U: 42.5
The Badgers have to fuming after being embarrassed by the Hawkeyes last weekend, not to mention being trolled with “Jump Around” being played all throughout Iowa City. They will take that anger out on good ol’ Illinois.
Memorial Stadium: Northwestern (3-3, 1-2) @ Nebraska (3-3, 1-2)
Where/when to watch: Saturday at 2:30 p.m. on BTN | Line: Nebraska -12 | O/U: 43
These teams are practically identical. The only differences are their colors and helmets. Northwestern’s ‘N’ stands for “not good,” while Nebraska’s ‘N’ stands for “knowledge.”
Spartan Stadium: No. 2 Michigan (6-0, 4-0) @ Michigan State (2-4, 0-3)
Where/when to watch: Saturday at 6:30 p.m. on NBC | Line: Michigan -24.5 | O/U: 48
I know these games are close sometimes, but the Spartans will need at least two Kenneth Walkers, 12 Paul Bunyans, and perhaps one Draymond Green out on the gridiron if they want to have a chance on Saturday.