V finds identity and forever partner
October 16, 2022
V breaks down cardboard at their home in Iowa City on Oct. 15. Along with Astig planning, V is involved in numerous other county organizations, including the Johnson County Affordable Housing Coalition as vice president, and the Johnson County Historic Poor Farm manager, which works closely with the board. In February, V said a few board members approached them and mentioned that they should consider running for the board. As a biracial, transgender, and queer individual, V said showing community members that all types of people live in Johnson County and deserve to be heard would be very valuable on the board. “I think that we can do a better job of inclusivity. It’s 2022,” V said. “We need to have that representation.”
V first experienced same-sex attraction in high school, but the terms “gay” and “lesbian” were often used as expletives on the 30 different military bases they grew up on before turning 16. With help from a basketball coach who identified as gay while V was in high school, they realized they didn’t have to hide who they were.
“It was this whole new world, and it really made sense to me,” V said.
V said they call the time period they came out as the “best of times and the worst of times” because, despite their identity not being well-received by their parents, they finally felt like themselves.
V said family is family, and their relationship with their parents is restoring itself.
After coming out in high school, V went to college in San Francisco, where they lived for about five years before transferring to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. There, they participated in political drag, where their performance troupe performed and used art in activism work and built political community.
“We were around for a decade, and we traveled all over the country and then even Europe,” V said. “We had some shows in Amsterdam and London, and we were like a Feminist Collective.”
In 2005, when V lived in California, they met Natalie through mutual friends and political organizing. The couple had a long-distance relationship while Natalie was a graduate student at UNC Chapel Hill and worked at Planned Parenthood. In 2008, V moved to North Carolina to be with Natalie and finish their undergraduate career in environmental studies when they were 27 years old and Natalie was 26 years old.
Natalie said she is grateful to be in a partnership with her best friend.
“They have this deep well of generosity, this deep well of patience, this deep appreciation for other humans trying to be human on the planet,” Natalie said. “It’s astounding, and I love that about them.”
V and Natalie have been married for 14 years, and V said their connection grows stronger every day. V said Natalie’s passion for reproductive rights, and V’s work in environmental justice creates a lot of intersectionality in their lives.
Timeline by Ryan Hansen/The Daily Iowan
“We met in that space of making art and making change and working with the community to bring about that change,” Natalie said. “Our love for one another is really grounded in this fierce commitment to social justice and to hopefully making the world a little bit better.”
Natalie has been an associate professor of communication studies and gender, women’s and sexuality studies at the University of Iowa for 10 years. Natalie said her favorite part about teaching is the collaborative process.
The collaborative process continues in the couple’s home life when co-parenting. Natalie said she admires how V always makes time for family despite how busy other parts of their life make them.
“As busy as V gets with work and this campaign, V puts it all aside,” Natalie said. “V will always make time for dinner, for play, for bath time.”
And V said the same about Natalie.
“She’s an incredible co-parent,” V said. “We’re both learning and we’re both in it together.”
For V, parenting clarified their transgender identity. V said they were placed in heteronormative spaces, including birth and parenting classes, that pushed V to consider why they wanted to transition.
“It’s like death by 1,000 cuts,” V said. “Do I want to transition and have top surgery because that’s who I am and that’s how I’ve always wanted to be? Or do I want to do that because this heteronormative structure is pushing me in that direction?”
When they were a child, V said there wasn’t a language for how they identified. V said they want to make a change in Johnson County by representing a marginalized community and pushing back on GOP state legislative proposals including bathroom bans.
“It’s wrong to make kids go through that. It’s wrong to make families go through that,” V said. “At this point, I feel comfortable being the person to stand up and say, ‘No, we’re here. And we matter.’”