Making family a priority

A large family photo hangs in the entryway of Dale and Juli’s home in Cedar Rapids. Several photo albums fill the book shelves, stocked cover to cover with photos of their children and grandchildren.

Two days before Valentine’s Day, the couple smiled as two of their grandchildren, Landyn and Lauryn, sat in the leather chair opposite them, presenting their “Mimi” and “Bumpa” with colored drawings. Just that morning, Juli said, almost all of the grandchildren were over at the house — a typical family gathering.

Their three children, Holly, Melissa “Mel” Mitchell, 35, and Robert “Rob” Wirtjes, 32, said their parents continue to be as supportive and involved as they were when they were kids.

“I think that they always sort of didn’t like that, like they wish they had the big family and that they wish they were closer with their siblings who were older and far away,” Holly said. “I just think they grew up one way and were like, ‘No, we don’t want it to be like that. We want us all to be close.’”

Holly said her parents opted to spend time with them versus having alone time, which showed her how strong a relationship they had.

Friday nights with pizza and a rented movie stood out in her memory.

“My parents didn’t go out on a date, they spent time with us. And I just, that’s really important to me and like something I want to do with my family, too,” she said. “My parents just made us a priority, and maybe made their relationship less of a priority, because they went on trips with us and went out with us.”

All three children added that road trips with their parents were some of the best memories they had. They traveled to Disney World and Disneyland, North Carolina, the Gulf Coast of Florida, among many others.

Mel said her parents set the bar high for a relationship and defined for herself and her mom what love actually is.

“My dad has always been like, ‘Let me help you, let me take care of you,’” said Mel, who is the eldest daughter and has two children of her own. “[He] drops everything to go above and beyond to help people, that I expect everyone to be that way.”

Rob said he can always go to his parents for advice, especially his dad.

“My dad is probably the best person to bounce things off of, or to talk to, about life things, if it be financial or health-related, or job-related, he’s one of the best people I have in my camp to talk to, just to figure out life,” he said. “I don’t know that every person my age has that built in with one of their parents.”

Mel said with a lot of her friends having divorced parents, it is amazing to her that after 40 years, her parents are still happily married.

Living only 10 minutes away from her parents, Mel said they are very involved with their grandchildren, whether it be giving rides to and from school or teaching Landyn, her eldest, how to play piano.

Her parents’ opposite personalities have transferred over to how Mel views obstacles in her life. While her dad provided empathy and sympathy, her mom, always a go-getter, she said, would tell her to take a few minutes or a day to cry, and then be done and do something about it.

“You gotta get up and go and like, choose to be a happy person, and choose to have a good day, it’s all within your control and it’s all mindset,” Mel said. “I think I’ve picked up from them like the dos and don’ts of a relationship.”

Dale said looking back, their marriage has all been about following their promises to each other.

“It’s kinda like the vows: “Love is patient, love is kind,’” he said, smiling at her. “We really did live our wedding vows.”