Dealing with ‘sneaker waves’ of grief

Laura likes to say that she got a five-week headstart on grieving.

She knew something was horribly wrong when her son told her Mollie didn’t show up for work, and that’s when she started to grieve. When they found Mollie’s body, it was a relief in a way, Laura said, because the family at least knew where she was.

As cousins, Morgan and Mollie spent a ton of time together, even living at each others’ houses at different points in their lives, though their relationship changed when Mollie went to the UI. But Morgan said the worst thing she ever heard was the news that authorities had found Mollie’s body.

“That was by far the worst day of my life,” Morgan said. “I remember thinking that I would never be the same.”

Mollie’s death changed Morgan, she said. She’s ultimately grown stronger and affirmed the love she has for her family.

Mollie is always on Kim’s mind, and she’s focused on positive memories of her. Sometimes, when she’s missing Mollie, she’ll talk to her.

“And Mollie liked to talk, so I like to think she’s talking back,” she said.

Laura said she occasionally has moments where she’ll see something and think, “I should show Mollie,” then she has to remind herself that she can’t.

Little things like that are what she describes as “sneaker waves.”

“You start to get through it and you start to be like, ‘I feel better,’ then some little thing will come along, and it’s like a wave that’ll pull you back in,” she said.

She tends to remind herself that someone always has it worse, and if they can get up and face the day, then so can she.

When Mollie went missing, Laura said the FBI assigned the family a victim advocate. The best piece of advice Laura said she received during that time came from the advocate.

The advocate held out her hand and described that as representing the family members’ lives. She pointed at one finger and said that right now, everyone is very focused on Mollie. While pointing to the other fingers, she said you can’t ignore all the other parts of your life. She told Laura that she needs to go to work, feed her family, make sure the boys go to school, and reminded her to take care of herself as well.

So, that’s how Laura thinks about her grief now — as something she needs to balance with the other parts of her life instead of letting it consume her.

“That’s not what I want, and that’s not what Mollie would want at all,” she said.