In his “Open Letter,” University of Iowa incoming President Bruce Harreld promised us that “stakeholders” should feel free to ask him direct questions. So I suggest that students, faculty, and staff wait Harreld in a warm and civil fashion outside the door to his office suite in Jessup Hall on Nov. 2 at 8 a.m. and take him up on his promise. Sir, will you commission a special seminar on irony to study how Gov. Terry Branstad could launch a statewide, anti-bullying campaign the very same month that he bullied the entire university? Could modeling the behavior of authority figures be a significant cause of bullying in our kids?
What’s an “organic growth strategy”? Are there really non-carbon-based life forms that we should be briefed about? Will the state-of-art UI Driving Simulator eventually be named after Eric Branstad (who killed two people with his vehicle in 1991 and walked away with a slap on the wrist)?
Can phantom consultancies (with clients like the U.S. military and titans of Chinese industry) be lucrative? How embarrassing is your first name, if you prefer to go by “J. Bruce?” Does your hiring reflect partisan politics — or merely The Death of Commonsense? (A book by Philip Howard.)
Do all Hawkeyes have “pork” in this fight — or just Regent Bruce Rastetter, the impersistent law student cum hog-lot magnate? By the way, what does Rastetter taste like in person? When will you two Bruces announce a campaign to “rebrand” UI as the Anheuser-Busch InBev University of Iowa? Have either of you read The Shock Doctrine, by Naomi Klein? (Another book.) Can “disaster capitalism” really be implemented in Iowa — with no World Bank and no incipient disaster on the horizon?
Does Kraft really vend the best macaroni and cheese? Your contract is for five years; isn’t it only economically failed totalitarian regimes (such as North Korea) that still have five-year plans?
Can a savvy change-meister really “think outside the box” if he can’t find an appropriate box for himself on his own career path? Is such a person really fit to “mentor” others? If Coach Ferentz keeps winning, will anyone care about anything?
Surely UI students are self-interested enough to arrive at Jessup Hall at 8 a.m. on Nov. 2 with better queries for Harreld. It is ultimately their future degrees — not mine — that will be enhanced or degraded by his influence on campus. A few welcoming undergrads would be “great,” but hundreds, now that would be “even greater.” To paraphrase Woody Allen: “Showing up is 80 percent of success — or you can hide out in a downtown bar. I’ve done both.”
- Jon Roberts, Ph.D.
